How to navigate Christmas for separated parents

5 November 2025

The holiday season is a time for joy, reflection, and togetherness — but for separated parents, it can bring unique challenges. Balancing festive traditions, family expectations, and the best interests of children can feel overwhelming. Whether this is your first Christmas after separation or you’ve navigated a few already, preparation and communication are key to ensuring the holidays remain positive for everyone involved.


The emotional and practical reality of co-parenting at Christmas

While Christmas is meant to be about peace and goodwill, emotions often run high when co-parenting. Each parent may want to be part of special moments such as opening presents, family dinners, or Christmas morning excitement.  The reality is that children can’t be in two places at once — which means cooperation and planning are crucial. 


Our Christchurch family lawyers often see the same issues arise year after year: 


  • Disagreements about who has the children on Christmas Day or key dates like Boxing Day or New Year’s.


  • Travel and holiday arrangements, particularly for parents living in different cities.


  • Gift-giving disputes or competitive spending.


  • Communication breakdowns between parents. 

Woman hugging a child, smiling, holding a gift in front of a Christmas tree with gold ornaments and lights.

Legal framework and family court guidance

The principles under the Care of Children Act 2004 remain central to holiday arrangements. The law prioritises the welfare and best interests of the child — not the convenience of either parent.


While there have been no major legislative changes specific to Christmas parenting schedules, the Family Court continues to encourage early mediation and Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) before formal proceedings are considered. Agreements reached outside court tend to be faster, less stressful, and more sustainable for everyone involved.


Revisit your parenting agreement or court order

If you already have a Parenting Agreement or Parenting Order, review it well before December. Check whether it includes specific provisions for Christmas, birthdays, or holidays. 


If it doesn’t, speak to your lawyer about updating it. Having clarity written down removes uncertainty and reduces the likelihood of last-minute conflict.


Planning ahead makes all the difference

Start the conversation early — ideally in October or November — so there’s enough time to discuss and agree on details. Waiting until mid-December increases stress and can make compromise harder.


If your relationship with your ex-partner is strained, consider having a neutral third party — such as a mediator or your lawyer — help draft a temporary Christmas schedule.


Tips for smooth co‑parenting over Christmas


  • Be flexible: Unexpected events will happen. Flexibility reduces tension and shows goodwill.


  • Put the kids first: Christmas should be enjoyable for them — not a time to feel torn.


  • Avoid comparisons: Don’t try to “out-gift” the other parent. Focus on meaningful moments.


  • Create new traditions: If your children aren’t with you on Christmas Day, plan a “second Christmas” when they are.


  • Communicate clearly: Confirm details in writing — dates, times, and changeover points.


  • Respect boundaries: Keep discussions focused on logistics, not past relationship issues. 


What if you can’t agree on arrangements?

If discussions break down, don’t panic. The Family Court allows urgent applications for holiday contact issues, but these should be a last resort. Before filing, you must attempt Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) — a mediation service designed to help parents reach agreement outside court.
 
If time is short or safety is a concern, contact your lawyer immediately. They can advise on temporary arrangements or urgent orders where necessary. 


Supporting children emotionally during the holidays

Children may feel guilt, sadness, or divided loyalties during the holidays. Reassure them that it’s okay to love both parents and that their Christmas will be special — even if it looks different this year.


Consider joint messages like “Mum and Dad both love you and want you to have a great Christmas,” which can go a long way toward easing anxiety. 

 

Take care of yourself too

It’s easy to focus entirely on your children’s needs and forget your own. Plan something meaningful for the time when you’re not with your kids — dinner with friends, volunteering, or simply relaxing. 


Remember: this season won’t last forever. Over time, new traditions will emerge, and things will get easier.


How Weston Ward & Lascelles can help

Our Christchurch family law team can help you draft or review Parenting Agreements, represent you in mediation or Family Court, and guide you through all aspects of co‑parenting law in New Zealand. 


Whether you’re facing a dispute, needing a formal Parenting Order, or simply want peace of mind, we’re here to help you make decisions that work for your family.


Contact our family lawyers in Christchurch today on 03 379 1740.

Family holding hands, running in a park. Sunlit background, joyful expressions, grandparents, parents, child.

10 Reasons you should have a family trust

by Simon Mullinger • 4 November 2025
Family trusts are misunderstood. They masquerade as financial planning vehicles exclusively for the fabulously rich, however, they are just as relevant for everyday working people. Weston Ward and Lascelles’ family trust lawyers in Christchurch advise a diverse range of people in ways to protect their family’s financial future. Whether you're a business owner, property investor, or simply someone who wants to ensure your loved ones are protected, understanding the advantages of a family trust is essential. Afterall, a family trust is one of the most powerful legal structures available providing families with peace of mind for generations to come. Here are ten reasons why you should consider establishing one: 1. To keep assets in the family This is the most common reason why people set up a family trust: to pass on family assets to the next generation. Certain assets such as a holiday home or farm, hold great sentimental value that goes beyond monetary value, and a New Zealand property trust protects these assets. Under a trust structure, after your death the asset remains in the family as it is owned by the trust entity. Without a trust in place, there are typically two options: If you bequeath the property in your Will, it may need to be sold to divide and share proceeds among beneficiaries. If you take the fractured ownership route, the asset is at risk of becoming unworkable in the future should relationships breakdown. 
Person writing with a red pen on paper-filled desk, computer in the background.

Probate threshold increased to $40,000 – what this means for Kiwi families

30 October 2025
From 24 September 2025 , the New Zealand Government increased the probate threshold from $15,000 to $40,000 — a long-awaited change that simplifies the estate process for thousands of families. This adjustment, though seemingly small, removes the need for costly High Court applications for many modest estates, especially KiwiSaver accounts sitting between $20,000 and $40,000. Why this change matters The previous $15,000 limit was set decades ago when savings balances were far smaller. With KiwiSaver now a cornerstone of retirement planning, many New Zealanders had moderate accounts that still triggered the expensive probate process. Under the old rules, families often had to spend $2,000–$3,000 on legal fees to release funds that were barely worth more than that. The new $40,000 threshold reduces this red tape and helps ensure small estates aren’t swallowed up by administration costs . What probate actually is Probate is the formal process where the High Court confirms that a deceased person’s will is valid and appoints the executor to manage their estate. It gives banks, KiwiSaver providers and insurers legal proof that they’re releasing funds to the right person. Until now, almost any estate exceeding $15,000 required probate, even if it was just a modest KiwiSaver balance or a small bank account.